Have To
by SlayingDead
Summary: After April dies Roger goes thew Withdrawal from Heroin. How will this effect the Bohemians we know and love? told from Marks POV. Rated high T for voliance, Drugs, Death, and Language.- COMPLETE
1. Chapter 1

**Marks POV. **

We all just sat there, on our lumpy old couch and chairs. All with different expressions on our faces. Confusion, sadness, worry, and the list goes on. I held Maureen close to me as she sobbed into my chest. The sounds of the ambulance could still be heard in the distance. A warm spring draft comes in threw the windows, it was beautiful out, a perfect day, which just made it more unexpected. If we just saw what was happing in front of us, maybe we would have caught it… But somewhere in the back of my mind, I knew that there was no way we could have prevented April's death.

Suicide. That's how she went. Slit her wrists in the bathroom when we where at the life café. I should have known something was up when she didn't want to come; April always wanted to get out and do things. But I didn't say anything. I should have. Collins and Benny sat in silence, looking down at the floor, probably thinking the same thing as me- The "What if's."

But I knew I couldn't even try to compare my pain with Rogers. They loved each other. I've never seen Roger so happy when he was with her, and I've never seen him so heart broken when they where taking the body away. He locked himself in his room, not wanting to cry in front of everyone. If there is one thing my best friend Roger Davis will not do, its cry in public. He was supposed to be the strong one, the one we looked up to, of course that changed when he started to do heroin. April got him started. We all wanted to say something to them as it started to get bad, but none of us had the guts to say anything to them, they where too happy. Or was it fake happiness? Was it just the heroin that made them like that? Even if it did, it brought them to there downfall.

WE HAVE AIDS. That's what was written in neat cursive letters, and that's all. Maybe they got it from a bad needle, maybe from someone… Who knows, but does it really matter now? Now that it's over, they got it, Just like Collins.

"Oh Marky!" I was brought back to reality when I heard my girlfriend call out my name in-between a sob. I held on to her tighter and rubbed small circles on her back.

"Shhh it'll be okay shhh." I attempted to calm her down, but the drama queen wouldn't have it.

"She's dead! How will it be okay! She isn't coming back!" Maureen yelled at me. I knew she didn't mean her anger towards me; she just had to get it out. I just held her as tight as possible and continued to rub her back. "Oh pookie I'm sorry I-" She started.

"It's okay, I know." In the silence you could hear a muffled cry come from Rogers's room, fallowed by crashes and bangs. I looked up at Collins and Benny and they nodded almost knowing that I was going to ask them to check on him. They both got up and tried to open Rogers's door, which has been barricaded.

"Roger open up its Collins and Benny." Collins called through the thin door. The only answer he got was another loud crash and more sounds of crying, that was being attempted to stop. Collins looked at Benny. "On three." He said. "One…Two…Three!" Both boys rammed into the door forcing it open with a bang. Maureen jumped closer to me and hid her face in my shirt.

All three of us where shocked by the sight the greeted us. Rogers face was red with tears streaming down it, and the room was a mess. Ferntree was knocked over and there was stuff everywhere.

"What the hell?" Roger yelled.

"What did you do in here?" Benny asked in a clam voice hoping to relax Roger.

"Looking for my fucking smack what the hell do you think?" Roger said, obviously not calming down. He continued to search the room violently, trying to control his sobs like we weren't even there. Maureen started to watch the scene as well, her crying slowing down. I watched as Collins slowly walked up to Roger putting a hand on his shoulder turning him around. The two locked eyes for a second, Roger green meeting Collins brown. They didn't say anything but a whole conversation passed through them as Roger crumpled to the ground and sobbed into his hands.

After sixteen years of knowing Roger this was the first time I saw him cry. I couldn't control my self as I let a tear slip from my blue eye. Collins bent down next to Roger and pulled him into his arms, as if the rocker was a child. Benny stood at the doorway, his eyes glassy watching. "S-she's gone…" he choked out "I need it Tom… I need it so bad." Roger begged Collins. He wanted to feel numb, forget all his pain… I left my girlfriend on the couch as I got up and walked into the room and sat down next to Roger.

"You have to stop." I told him. His shook his head violently.

"N-No, no I-I can't" He argued.

"Yes you can, you need to, and we'll help you through it." I pressed on. He needed to stop, I couldn't just sit by and let anyone person destroy their own life.

"I-I need help Mark." Roger finally admitted still crying in Collins arms. I gave a sigh in relief and put my arms around roger as well. Benny and Maureen finally came over and joined in on the hug all of us freely crying now. All of us not knowing the hell that was going to break louse.

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><p><strong>Thanks so much for reading! this was just the prologue, Rogers actual withdrawl will start in the next chapter! Thankyou! and please review!<strong>


	2. Chapter 2

**Mark's POV**

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><p>After about an hour we got Roger to sleep. I sat on the couch watching Collins switch the lock on Rogers's door so that we can lock him in and he can't lock us out. "We are going to have to lock him in there sometimes." Collins told us. We all knew Rogers's withdrawal was not going to be a pretty thing, everyone knew that withdrawal from anything wasn't fun. Collins screwed in the lock and shut the door, luckily for us, Roger sleeps like a rock. Maureen's head was resting on my lap, her eyes closed, she fell asleep quite quickly. We all were exhausted. Benny took a look at Maureen and sighed.<p>

"We should all be getting some sleep." He announced, standing up and walking to his room, "Good night" He said before shutting the door. I gently picked up Maureen and carried her to our room and place her on the bed. I ran a hand through my hair and took of my shirt then slid in next to her. I sat up against the head board crossing my arms.

That picture of roger crying haunted my mind. Him showing weakness just didn't seem right. He looked so broken, so… so lost. He was the one that found her. When we came back from the life. He called her name happily, then saw the bathroom light on, and opened the door…

I stopped thinking about it; I couldn't think about it anymore, no I wouldn't think about it anymore. I have been attempting to block out those few minutes that changed everything. I can now only remember parts of it now. The yelling, they crying, the note, the voices. The rest is all gone, pushed out of my mind. Maybe it's for the better, maybe it will hurt me one day, but for now I would rather keep it this way.

I took off my glasses and put them on the night stand next to me. I lay down and pulled the covers over me, and shut my eyes falling into a dreamless sleep.

"Marky, Marky wake up" I heard Maureen say, I slowly opened my blue eyes to the

Bright room. "Morning pookie" my girlfriend says before giving me a peck on the lips.

"Morning." I said back hearing the sounds of people in the kitchen. "How are you feeling?" I asked. Maureen and April where best friends, I knew that this must be hard for her.

"Alright considering." She answered with a small attempt at a smile. I nodded and stood up putting on a new shirt, jeans and my glasses. I walked out of the room with Maureen not far behind me to see Collins and Benny in the kitchen, both drinking some coffee.

"Hey guys how did you sleep?" Collins asked. Collins was like our big brother. He was thirty when the rest of us where twenty one through twenty four. He was always looking out for us and making us feel better, sleeping on the couch because we don't have enough beds, giving us advice or just making us laugh. That was our Collins.

"Alright, is Roger up?" I asked grabbing a coffee for myself.

"Not yet but he should be soon." Benny told us taking a long sip of his coffee, obviously tired. Then as if on cue, Roger came out of his room, wearing his plaid sweat pants and grey sweat shirt, with his hands in his pockets, even thou it was 70 degrees out. We all stopped talking and just stared at him as he made his coffee.

"What?" He finally asked getting slightly annoyed. I decided to speak up.

"How are you feeling?" He just looked up at me and put down his coffee.

"I'm fine! Jesus Christ you don't have to treat me all different now!" He yelled his hands clenched by his sides. Maureen walked up to him and put her hands on his shoulders.

"Easy Rog, he was just asking. Why don't you do play your Guitar?" She suggested. Roger just nodded and walked back into his door, and shutting it, but not before saying. "And I want my lock back to normal." Collins sighed.

"It's starting, his withdrawal, he's getting agitated easily." I wrapped my arm around Maureen's waist and kissed her head.

"Nice job." I said to her trying to ignore Collins statement. I didn't want to think about Rogers's withdrawal. It was like if I didn't think about it then it wouldn't happen, but I knew that wasn't the case. Benny looked at the clock on the wall which read 8:20.

"Shit! I got to go guys; I'm meeting Allison for breakfast." He said getting up. Benny has been dating this new rich girl Allison Gray of the Westport Gray's for a month now, how he got her we will never know, Apparently they met at a bar. "See you all later." He said before walking out the door.

Sounds of Roger's guitar playing could he heard from the kitchen. I always enjoyed it when Roger played, I knew he loved it and he was very good. It made me sad now that I thought about it; He probably wouldn't be able to do any more gigs for a while. I knew he loved his music, ever since I met him that guitar wasn't ever five feet away from his side. I put my empty cup down on the table.

"I'm going to go to the library, to see what we are up against with this withdrawal." I told my friends. "Can you two stay here with Roger?" I asked, because if they had to leave then I didn't want him alone, I just didn't trust him.

"Yeah man, we'll be fine here." I nodded and kissed Maureen gently.

"Be back later." I said then grabbed my bike and walked out of the loft.

I sat in the Library with about seven books on Withdrawal in front of me. I shut the last book loudly and sighed, this was going to be harder then I originally thought… I stood up and walked out of the library and got on my bike. As I rode I passed a pharmacy and the thought of Rogers AIDS hit me. He was just like Collins now, sick. Of course I knew he only had HIV and not full blown AIDS but the thought still scared me. I couldn't louse my best friend early. Collins was bad enough but now Roger. What will happen when… No…Easy mark… don't think negative, take it one steep at a time, focus on today.

I soon made it to our broken down building that looked almost excatally like all the other apartments but some how I can pick it out. I brought my bike up the stairs and opened the door and was surprised by the sight that greeted me. Roger was sitting on the couch shivering and sweating, Collins and Maureen where next to him. Roger's green eyes darted towards me right when I walked in. No not towards me, towards the door. I quickly shut it and set my bike down walked over to the couch and bent down in front of roger.

"Please Mark; they won't let me, just-just one last hit. That's all, just one." He begged with me. I wanted to say yes so badly, I wanted to let him feel better and let his pain stop, and I knew this was only the beginning I had to stay strong.

"No Roger, you're done, I don't want to hear any 'one last hit' shit." I told him firmly. Roger looked at me stunned, never before had I stood up to him like this.

"I swear I'll stop if I just get one more!" He tried to persuade me, but I have to stay strong.

"I said no." I lifted my hand to his sweaty forehead and could tell immediately that he had a temperature. "Come on, why don't you rest for a little bit?" I said, hoping he would take up on my offer. The rocker just nodded and stood up and went to his room shutting the door behind him. I sat down in between Maureen and Collins. "It's only going to get worse right… he wont be giving up so easily." Collins sighed.

"I'm afraid so."

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><p><strong>Thanks for reading! I'll try to get another chapter up with in the next week! Thanks for reading and please review!<strong>


	3. Chapter 3

**Mark's POV**

The rest of the day went normal, Benny came back from his date with Alison, and Roger didn't come out of his room. I lay in bed next to Maureen and just when I was about to fall asleep, I heard bangs coming from the bathroom then the sound of something throwing up. I jumped up from the bed and ran out the door, leaving a puzzled Maureen behind.

I reached the open bathroom door and saw Roger sitting on the ground leaning over the toilet. "Roger!" I was immediately next to him.

"M-Mark?" He asked weakly. His body was taken over by a chill as he shivered violently and vomited in the toilet again.

"Shhh, it's alright Rog, your doing great I'm so proud of you." I whispered gently to him as he continued to shake. Soon enough I saw everyone at the doorway. They didn't say anything; instead they just sat there watching the scene, ready to jump in if anything happened. Roger finally stopped vomiting and leaned against the bathtub. "Come on; let's get you back to bed." I looked at Collins and Benny and they came over helping me lift roger to his feet and help him back to his room. "I got him from here." I told them. The boys nodded and went back to there rooms, Maureen stayed in the doorway. I grabbed Rogers's blankets and put them over him. I quickly ran to my room and took my blanket giving it to him.

"Mark, this is your blanket." Roger mumbled out, his eyes half closed.

"It's alright I'll be fine without it." I whispered to him. I wasn't even sure if he heard me because when I looked back at his eyes, they where closed and his breathing was even. I walked out the door and grabbed Maureen's hand walking us back to out room. We lay down and she cuddled up next to me, wrapping the blanket around both of us.

"You need it too." She said sleepily before drifting off to sleep, and I soon did too.

I woke up to the sound of Maureen getting dressed. "Morning Marky, sleep well?" She asked in a perky voice.

"Mhm" I put on my glasses and got up. "Where are you going dressed up all nice?" I asked her.

"Meeting up with some friends for Breakfast." She grabbed her purse and kissed me quickly, "See you soon!" She called to me as I heard the loft door open and close loudly. I walked out of the room, not bothering to change out of my sweat pants and t-shirt. Collins was sitting on the couch setting up some worksheets for the kid he was tutoring tomorrow.

"Hey Mark, how's it goen?" He asked casually. I just shrugged and pored my self some coffee. After last night's ordeal I was too overwhelmed to say or do anything. I sat down on the couch next to Collins in silence when Benny walked in. He didn't greet us, he just pored himself some of the coffee that was left and sat down in the chair next to the couch.

"Rough night." He muttered taking a sip. I got up and put my cup in the sink.

"Where going to have to get used to it." Collins said his eyes not leaving the paper in his hand. Roger came out of his room, dressed in geens and a dark t-shirt.

"Hey Rog, your looking better." He just nodded, and before we could even tell what was happening he sprinted towards the door.

"No Roger!" I yelled. All three of us, ran after him and grabbed him once he made one steep out of the door.

"Let go of me! You can't tell me what to do! Just let me have a fucking hit! You don't understand!" He yelled trying to break free of our grasps, but was unable too. The withdrawal was making him weaker and he had there guys holding him, there wasn't a chance he could get away. Collins took over and grabbed Roger's arms practically dragging him back into the loft.

"Let me go Collins!" Roger screamed at him. But the anarchist didn't even respond. He shoved Roger in his room and closed the door. Locking it behind him. Roger started banging on the door.

"Let me out! You can't keep me! One Fucking hit that's all! I fucking hate you!" He continued to yell for what seemed like hours, finally the yelling stopped and the sound of crying could be heard through the door. I felt horrible, heard him cry like that, I walked over to the door and reached for the handle, but I felt Collins hand on my shoulder.

"Don't do it mark, this is the only way he is going to get better." I sighed and nodded.

"Hey Mark, you haven't filmed in a while, why don't you go out for a while." I looked over at my Camera, of course I wanted to go film, but could I really leave roger? What if he has another episode and I'm not here. "Roger will be fine." Benny continued as if he red my mind. I reluctantly nodded and grabbed my camera.

"I'll be back in an hour, two tops." They both nodded and I walked out.

Filming was such a calming thing, No worries where on my mind when I was doing it, it was like everything else went away. I think that everyone has to have an outlet or else the pressure in there life will crush them. I have my filming, Roger has is guitar, Maureen has her performing and so on. As I was thinking I ran into a police officer.

"Sorry." I mumbled to him, he just nodded at me and went back to what he was doing, which was forcing a homeless man to move away from the steeps of an apartment building. Without thinking I began to film this. No one ever get's to see the reality of the homeless, how difficult it is for them. Then it came to me, I could show them… I quickly ran home ready to tell everyone of my idea.

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><p><strong>Hey guys! so i thought it would be cool to put out how mark actually got his idea for Today 4 U. And so Roger's withdrawal starts to get worse, but dont worr i have more in store! Thanks for R&amp;R!<strong>


	4. Chapter 4

**Mark's POV**

I ran up the stairs to the lost, skipping every other steep. I was so excited that I finally got some inspiration. As I reached the door I heard Roger yelling I got closer to the door to try and hear what was going on.

"He left! Just like April!" I heard Roger yell.

"Calm down mad, Mark just went out to film for a while." Collins responded in a calm voice. So this was about me, Roger thinks I would leave him just like that. I opened the door and roger ran up to me embracing me tightly and started to cry into my shoulder.

"Shh Rog, It's alright, I'm not going anywhere." I tried to reassure him.

"I thought you left, like…" He didn't even finish his sentence but I knew what he was going to say. Roger went back to sobbing.

"I'm not leaving you." I whispered to him gently. He pulled away from me and looked straight at my blue eyes.

"Promus?" He said like a child, I gave him a small smile.

"I promos, come on are you hungry?" He just nodded.

"Well then why don't you go to your room? I'll bring you something soon." Roger didn't respond but he walked back to his room and shut the door. I sighed and sat down in the chair next to the couch that Benny and Collins where on.

"He was okay for a while after we let him out. Then he realized you weren't here and flipped." Benny explained to me, knowing how confused I must be. I ran a hand through my blonde hair and looked at Rogers's door.

"I found some inspiration for a film." I told them, wanting to change the subject. I then began to tell them about my 'Real life' documentary. They seemed to genially like the idea… for once. "I better get roger something to eat." I went to the kitchen and got out a box of captain crunch. I looked in the fridge but there was no milk to be found. I then just put the cereal into a bowl and knocked on Rogers's door softly.

"Roger I have some food." I said gently, when there was no response, I just opened the door slightly and saw him lying down on his bed just staring up at the ceiling trying not to cry. He didn't even notice my presence as I walked in and placed the bowl next to him and I sat down on the side of the bed. "Roger? Will you please eat something?" I hoped and prayed that he would say yes. He didn't but he did take a handful of captain crunch in his hand and put it in his mouth. I smiled and walked out of the room, shutting the door.

I sat down in the chair I was just sitting in and looked at the clock. It was already 5 and Maureen still wasn't back from breakfast. Where in the world was she? I decided to pay no attention to it, knowing Maureen she probably saw a sign for something and got discarded. But don't get me wrong, I loved Maureen with everything in me, but sometimes she could just be a little too much. But in a relationship you have to make scarifies, right?

My thought possess was stopped when roger busted out of his room and ran into the bathroom slamming the door behind him and the sound of reaching quickly fallowed. I looked at Collins and Benny and jumped up running into the bathroom to see roger on the ground just like last night emptying the contents of his stomach. I sat down next to him gently rubbing his back.

"Oh Roger… it's alright just let it all up. Everything will be okay." I continued to say encouraging words like that to him. Collins and Benny where still sitting on the couch, trying not to make roger uncomfortable by watching the scene. He soon stopped vomiting because he didn't have much inside his stomach. I sighed and helped roger stand up. I brought him over to the couch and gave Benny and Collins a look that said 'Move' they both stood up and I put roger on in and I sat down next to him and he immediately lay down and put his head in my lap and just stared into space. He began shivering and sweat started to form on his forehead. I looked up and the other two sadly and then back down to roger who had started itching the track marks on his arms and picking at his more recent scabs. He continued to itch but harder leaving dark red marks. I grabbed his wrists and pulled them away from each other.

"Don't itch Rog, It will only make it worse." I told him.

"N-No it makes it feel better." He tried to convince me, but I didn't let up, and continued to hold his wrists. He started to fight again me trying to get his hands free from my grasp. He started to give up and I saw him starting to fall asleep but the shaking just got worse. I let go of his wrists and ran my hand threw his hair, trying to calm him. He seemed like such a child, like a sick child just wanting to feel better one second and the next second he would kill to get his smack. It just didn't make sense, but that is just one of the many symptoms of withdrawal. I looked down at roger and saw that he was sleeping, but his eyes where tightly closed like he was in pain and he kept muttering things that I couldn't understand. I took roger's head off my lap and stood up putting his head on a pillow. I went to his room and got a blanket and draped it over him. I just started to my best friend for a moment, at that moment just staring at the shivering roger a hatred burned for April. If she hadn't gotten him into drugs then he would not have HIV, he would not be going through withdrawal right now, and he would not be feeling the pain of loss. Collins layed a hand on my shoulder.

"I know this is hard for you to see mark." I turned sharply to him.

"How could you know?" I yelled to him, but not loud enough to wake Roger.

"Calm down Mark, you just have to be strong for him, because he counts on you right now, he counts on you to be holding him when he is shaking, he counts on you to be next to him when he is in the bathroom throwing up, he counts on you to just be there. You're his hope." I looked over at Roger and let a tear fall from my eye. He was right; I had to be strong, for my best friends sake.

At the moment Maureen came in, she walked up to me and layed her hands on my shoulders.

"Hey pookie, sorry I'm late, I was just having best time!" there was something about her that gave me a bad feeling, I just couldn't point it. "How's Roger doing?" she asked. I sighed.

"He tried to escape earlier and then I went out to film but he freaked out when I left, then he threw up from eating just some cereal, and I just got him to sleep." I said motioning towards the sleeping figure on the couch.

"Oh pookie I'm sorry, I should have been here, you must have had a rough day."  
>"Actually it wasn't all bad." I then told her my idea just like I told Collins and Benny.<p>

"Oh baby that great!" She squealed, it was about time I got some inspiration.

"April… no… the man…. I need…." Roger mumbled from the couch then woke up with a start and ran into his room, slamming the door behind him. There was a sound of shuffling and banging, and Collins went to try to open the door but roger had put something heavy in front of it. He then knocked on the door.

"Come on boy open up."

"Fuck off Collins!" Roger yelled from inside the room. Collins sighed and pulled away.

"We should just give him some space; he probably just had a bad dream." I nodded and sat on the couch with Maureen. Benny looked at the clock that read 7:20.

"I'm gona' go out and meet Alison at her house, if I'm not back tonight don't be surprised." He winked at us.

"Ew." Maureen said making a disgusted face. Benny rolled his eyes and walked out. All three of us shared a laugh, our first one since April. When the laughing stopped my mind came back to reality. I looked at Rogers's door, there hadn't been a sound for a while, no yelling no crying, nothing, and it worried me.

"We should check on him." I stood up and went to the door with Collins. "Okay ready. Go!" We both rammed our shoulders into the door and it swung open, mostly because of Collins. I took a steep back at the sight I saw, Roger was on his bed loooking down at his left which, which was bleeding, in his right hand he had a peace of glass… no he would… but he did, he is.

"Roger!" I yelled and ran up to him. I began trying to grab the glass from his hand.

"Leave me the hell alone Mark! Just go away!" He yelled. I finally got the glass out of his hand, but I had many cuts on my hands because of the struggle. I began to reach for his wrist wanting to see how much damage he did.

"Mark no!" Collins yelled. I looked up at him and he grabbed my from behind, picked me up and threw me away from roger into the wall. "Do you want to get AIDS too?" He yelled at me. I had never seen Collins look this scared, this mad, this worried since I've known him.

"I-I.." I didn't know what to say, I practically forgot that Roger was now HIV positive.

"Are you stupid mark? Do you realize what just could have happened? Just get out! I'll take care of this!" I quickly got up and went out of the room. Maureen ran up to me and hugging me tightly. She pulled away and looked at my hand.

"Oh marky…"

"It's okay, it doesn't hurt." Just then Collins came out of Rogers's room, practically dragging roger by the arm into the bathroom, he closed the door but left it open just a crack. "Stay here." I told Maureen as I walked to the crack in the door and saw Collins kneeling in front of roger who was sitting on the toilet. He was taking water and wiping the blood off of roger's arm, reveling the cuts that where on his wrists. Collins stood up and went into the cabinet and pulled out bandage we had just in case of emergency, it was New York City after all. He began wrapping the bandage around Rogers arm. Roger hadn't spoken a word. The anarchist made Roger stand up and he pulled him out of the bathroom, I moved out of the way.

"We need to have a little talk." Collins said to Roger as they went into Roger's bedroom.

They didn't shut the door so I looked inside, trying not letting them see me. Collins and Roger sat on his bed and Collins was the first one to talk. "Roger, why? That's all I want to know… why you would do that?" He asked in gently voice. The rocker looked down not saying anything. "Come on boy, you know that I won't judge you." I saw a tear slip from Rogers's eye.

"I-I don't know… I miss her, don't have anything anymore, I don't have Heroin and I don't have her. So what's the point?" Collins sighed.

"Now you know that isn't true, you have me, Mark, Maureen and Benny."

"They don't want me here; I'm just a burden to them. You all hate me." I shook my head, I wanted to rush in there and tell roger that was a lie, but I knew Collins could handle it.

"Why would you think that?"

"You aren't letting me have what I want, what I need." Roger explained.

"We are doing this because we care! Rog, we don't want to see you kill yourself, and that shit is doing it."

"I'm dyeing anyway! So what's the difference?" Collins sighed and looked down.

"Man there is a huge difference between a year and four years." Then there was silence.

"I'm sorry Tom…" Collins then pulled the younger man into a tight hug.

"It's alright, Just remember that we will always be here no matter what, we aren't quitting on you so don't quit on us." And with that, Collins walked out of the room and shut the door behind him.

"You actually got something out of him." I smiled. Collins shrugged,

"I guess I understand." Just then as if on cue, his AZT beeper went off. He went into the kitchen and took out the pills and took them with a glass of water, as he did this I sat down next to Maureen who was looking at my hands. The cut's weren't too bad, but they where still enough. "I'm sorry I flipped on you, it's just… when I saw that you where going to touch his wrist I panicked."

"It's okay; I understand I need to be more careful." I looked at Roger's door. "Should he be taking AZT now, I mean April wouldn't lie about them having AIDS, and we can't take him to a doctor like this." Collins nodded.

"Yeah, he really should, the sooner the better actually." I nodded. Everything is changing. And not for the better. How could Roger think that I hated him? How could he have AIDS? How did he get addicted to heroin? How did we get here?

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><p><strong>Thank's to all who are reading and reviewing! The reviews really make me want to update sooner and longer chapters! This chapter is a very very long one, because i got carried away, i actually had to stop my self because i was about to use another one of my ideas that i wanted to save! I hope you enjoyed! Agan thanks for R&amp;R!<strong>


	5. Chapter 5

**Mark's POV**

That night I slept through the whole thing. It gave me some hope when I woke up in the morning knowing that Roger also slept through the night, it was a steep maybe he was getting better. I got changed brushed my teeth and walked out of the room leavening Maureen to sleep in. When I walked out and saw that Benny wasn't there, figures. Collins had a tired look on his face as he was sitting at the table reading the morning paper.  
>"Morning" I said to him poring my self a cup and sitting next to him.<p>

"Hey" He said tiredly. I looked at him confused.

"What's wrong? Aren't you happy Rog slept through the night?" I asked. I looked at me.

"He didn't, he was up with a fever all last night." He told me, my eyes widened. And I stood up.

"What? Why didn't you come get me?" I was frustrated with this, not really with Collins, more that the little hope I had woken up with was gone.

"Mark you where out man; I thought I would let you sleep. You deserved a break"

"But still I could have helped!" I argued I wasn't as weak as he thought I didn't need a break.

"Yes you would have been a big help being half asleep." I sighed, I guess he was right. The African American went back to his reading as Maureen came out.

"What's with all the yelling?" she yawned. Me and Collins just shrugged. She huffed dramatically "Fine don't tell me" She went over to the couch and sat down. I stood up putting my cup in the sink; I went into my room and came out wearing my coat and scarf.

"Mark it's almost summer." Collins said, looking at me like I had three heads.

"I happen to like my scarf and coat!" I defended. He rolled his eyes.

"Pookie where are you even going?" Maureen asked me as I grabbed my bike.

"I'm going to the pharmacy; pick up some AZT for Roger. Like Collins said- he should take it; it will help him live longer… even if it's only a day." I sighed and whipped my eye, not wanting to have them see me cry. I have cried enough, I was done with it; it was time to face the facts and live through them. Collins stood up and pulled me into a tight hug.

"He will be fine mark." He then pulled away from me and took my bike out of my hand placing it against the wall where it previously was. "I'll go to the pharmacy, stay here with Maureen and Roger." I just nodded and walked over to the couch and sat next to Maureen and watched Collins walk out the door. Maureen laid her head on my shoulder.

"AIDS doesn't mean you will die very soon. Look at Collins; he's had it for what, four years now?" She attempted to comfort me.

"I know… but it does mean he will die sooner." I said without a hint of emotion in my voice, after all I was just telling her the facts. Maureen put her hands on either side of my face and made me look at her.

"You have to stop thinking like that; think about how Roger and Collins are still healthy and how Rog is going to kick Heroin and soon we will get back to the rest of our lives." Suddenly Roger's door busted open and out came Roger. He had that look in his piercing green eyes, he wanted it, and he was ready to do anything for it. I stood up slowly and walked over to him, placing my hands on his shoulders.

"You don't need it Rog." I told him in a soft tone, hoping not to set him off. He shrugged my hands off of his shoulders. I looked at his eyes and they where darting everywhere trying to find a way to escape, everywhere but me. "Roger look at me." His eyes then went to mine shooting me a hateful glare. "You don't need it, look how far you have gotten without it." He backed up from me shaking his head.

"Shut the fuck up mark you don't know anything!" He fought.

"Oh I don't? Rog I have been here for you this whole time, do you think it's easy for me to see you like this?" He had tears in his eyes.

"If you really care about me you would let me go."

"I'm not because I do care, remember what Collins said?" I kept the same tone of voice, trying not to show him how much his words where hurting me.

"You don't care mark! You don't give a shit! You say you know what I'm going through but you don't! So why don't you just shut the hell up and let me go! Because you don't care, you never did and you never will! All you will ever care about is your camera!" That one hurt… I just stared at him speechless. Tears where streaming down his cheeks but he pretended they weren't there.

"That's not true!" That was best I could come up with. He then just shoved my aside and headed for the door. I ran over to the door and stood in front if it.

"Get of my way Mark." He said his voice quiet but violent.

"No, I'm not letting you leave this loft." I shot a look to Maureen that said 'get out of here' her eyes looked like she wanted to protest but she nodded. She went into our room and shut the door.

"Get out of the fucking way now! Or I'll make you!" He yelled his volume rising with every word.

"NO!" I screamed. At that moment he grabbed me by the neck and shoved me up against the door lifting me slightly so I couldn't reach the floor. "Roger let me down!" I said in-between gasps for air.

"Not until you let me leave!" He yelled as he practically threw me on the ground. He kicked me in the stomach hard and I doubled over in pain. He bent down next to me and punched me across my jaw. "I hate you." He said then he stood up and walked out the door. I heard him open the door and steep down the stairs.

"Roger…" I said weekly. All I wanted to do was stand up and go after him but I knew he would win. I then heard another pair of feet on the stairs and then heard Collins strong voice yelling.

"Where the hell is mark?" He yelled. I didn't understand Rogers reply. Clear voices where turning into muffled sounds. My vision turned blurry and I just barley saw Collins literally drag Roger by the arm and put him in his room, locking the door behind him. The Anarchist then came over to me and by this time my vision it was saying. Everything went black and I felt my body being lifted up from the ground and put on a soft surface.

The day that April died kept running through my head, the images of her body in the bathroom wouldn't leave my sight. I tired to open my eyes but I couldn't. Just make it stop, make the horrible image go away. Then all of a sudden I saw her and Roger in an alley someplace. It was raining; April was sitting on some door steep. Roger was on his knees in front of her. The needle was in April's hand, and she was ready to shoot up. I wished I could just run over to them and take the needle away. But I knew I couldn't… there is nothing I could or ever will be able to do.

All of a sudden that picture went away and I was left with only black. I felt someone's cold hand on my forehead then it moved to my hair running through it. I groaned and opened my eyes slowly to see Maureen sitting on the ground next to me; her hand was the one that was in my hair. She gently put it on my cheek.

"Oh Marky, I knew I shouldn't have left you." She said sadly, obviously trying not to cry.

"R-Roger? Where is he?" I got out. Collins the came over.

"He's in his room, he's sleeping right now."

"How long have I been-" Collins then cut me off, knowing what I was going to say.

"About an hour." I sat up slowly and put my hand on my stomach where roger kicked me. Maureen stood up and supported me as I stood up.

"I'm fine Mo, its okay; he didn't hurt me too bad." I heard Collins try to stop a laugh but failed.

"Tell that to your bruised jaw and stomach, face it mark, you got wrecked." He joked with me, trying to lighten the mood. I smiled back at him, and looked at roger's door.

"That god you came back when you did, I don't know what would have happened if he got out." I said with a sigh. I went over to the kitchen and got out one of our only clean glass and pored my self some water from the sink. "Did you get the AZT?" I asked. Collins nodded and threw me the orange pill bottle. I just caught it and smirked at Collins confused expression, since when do I catch things? I took out of the small white pills and went to Roger's room. I unlocked his door and saw the musician under his (and my) blankets. I walked over to the bed slowly and shook him gently. "Rog?" I whispered to him softly trying to wake him up easily. He opened his eyes and sat up slowly rubbing them.

"Mark?" he asked still groggy from sleep. I smiled to see that he didn't look angry. He then caught look at my bruised jaw line and looked down. "I-I'm sorry… I didn't mean it. I just, I really needed it." I sat down next to him on the bed.

"I know, it wasn't you who did this, it was the drugs." I said to him, and I knew it was true; my best friend Roger would never do something like that to me. I opened up my hand and showed him the pill. "AZT." I told him. "The same thing Collins takes. He said you could take some of his until you get your own prescription." Roger's face immediately fell and he looked away.

"I'm not taking that." He said in a half angry half sad voice, so I had no clue what he would do next.

"Come on Rog, just take the one." I said again.

"I said no!" his voice started to rise and I knew I wasn't going to get anywhere if he was angry like this.

"Alright fine" I put the pill in my pocket. "Another time." I offered him a small smile what wasn't returned, but Roger's eyes did soften. I put my hand on his forehead trying to see if his fever went away from last night. His skin felt warm but not horrible which was a good thing. I stood up from the bed "Just rest, if you need anything I'll be in the living room." I told him. I went to leave but he called me before I could reach the door knob.

"Mark!" I turned around and faced him. "I don't hate you." I just smiled brightly at him, a real smile, and walked out.

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><p><strong>Thank you all for reading! It really means a lot to me! I hope you liked this chapter, Again it's pretty long. oh and HAPPY TONY'S! I'm so happy about every that won and was nominated :) and if you wherent watching it, you missed out- NPH rocks! (and he actually played mark if you didnt know that!) but i'm getting off topic here! Thanks for reading and please reiview I would be happy to take any of your ideas! (But dont worry i still have a lot of tricks up my sleve hehe)<strong>


	6. Chapter 6

**Mark's POV**

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><p>Roger slept for the rest of the day; the withdrawal was taking so much energy out of him. I locked his door and went to me and Maureen's room but not before saying good night to Collins and Benny- who had just gotten home an hour ago.<p>

I lay down in my bed facing the ceiling; Maureen was in a small ball next to me. I couldn't fall asleep. I was desperately trying to remember what I saw when I was knocked out. All I remember was that I was horrible, and just reminded again why I am putting my best friend through all of this, why I'm putting my self through all of this. When I opened my eyes again it was still dark out. I groaned slightly as the pain from Roger's beating started to come. I heard my name being faintly called from Rogers's room. I quickly got up and went to his room. I unlocked the door and walked in to see Roger under a pile of blankets shivering and sweating. I couldn't tell if he was awake or asleep. His eye where shut tightly and he was tossing and turning.

"Mark?" He called out weakly. I walked over to his bed and sat on the edge of it. I placed my cold hand on his forehead and was not surprised when I found it burning. I ran my hand through his bleach blonde hair.

"Yeah it's me buddy. I'll be right back." I stood up but he grabbed my hand, his eyes now open.

"N-No Marky, don't leave me alone." I sighed.

"I'll be right back; I have to get something to bring your fever down." He gave a slight nod and shut his eyes again. I left the room and went into the bathroom. I rummaged through the medicine until I found some Advil, there where only three pills left and I took out two of them. I also grabbed rag and put it under the freezing faucet water. I made my way back to Rogers's room to find him in the same position as before. I gently placed the wet rag on his forehead and handed him the pills. "You have to take these."

I told him. He took the Advil from me and took them dry. "Do you need anything else?" I asked rubbing my eyes, trying to wake my self up more.

"It's cold." I pulled the two blankets up higher over his shaking shoulders.

"Try and go to sleep Rog." He nodded and shut his eyes. As I stood up silently, he must have felt the weight of the bed shift because his eyes shot open.

"Don't leave mark! I-I'm sorry, just please don't leave me. I'm so sorry for hurting you and everyone, I swear I-I'll be better!" Tears where starting to come down his cheeks. "Please don't go! Stay here with me." He begged. I gave him a sad smiled and nodded sitting down, my back against the head bored.

"I won't leave you." I whispered to him. He smiled and shut his eyes again. I pressed on the rag on his forehead, hoping it was working to cool him down. He suddenly kicked off the blankets.

"Hot." He muttered out, turning over on his side. Soon I saw his shoulders start moving up and down at an even pase and I was sure he was asleep. I pulled the blankets over him and took the rag off of his head. I shut my eyes and tried to go to sleep. Of course I wanted to go back next to Maureen but Roger needed me. And that is where I wa

s going to be. I soon couldn't control it anym

ore and gave into a deep sleep.

I woke up to roger not sleeping next to me. "Fuck!" I yelled jumping out of bed. I looked at the clock; it was only 6:20. I ran to Benny's door and banged on it, which woke Collins up, who was sleeping on the couch.

"Mark what the hell?" Benny muttered sleepy.

"Roger's gone!" I frantically ran into me and Maureen's room to see Maureen turning in her sleep. I shut the door and went back out to meet a now fully awake Benny and Collins.

"Shit! When?" Collins asked.

"I don't know, when I woke up he wasn't next to me!"

"Wait… why where you in Roger's bed…" Benny questioned me. I rolled my eyes.

"Shut up Benny he could be shooting up right now!" I was in no mood for games; I couldn't start Roger's withdrawal all over again. "I knew I should have locked the door, I should have stayed awake!" I said, throwing on my scarf and grabbing my bike.

"Mark, calm down, freaking out wont help. I'll go down to the park, Benny you check the bars, Mark the streets. Okay?" I didn't know how Collins could be so calm right now, but I nodded and started down the stairs. I jumped on my bike and began going as fast as I can, at every street and ally way for any sign of Roger. I soon saw The Man hanging in an ally way leaning against a wall, waiting for a costumer. I didn't want to do this but I had to for Roger. I got off my bike and walked towards him.

"Roger Davis, you've seen him?" I asked, getting straight to the point, my voice determined but worried.

"I don't know, if I tell you where he is will you keep taking away his business from me?" He smirked at me, playing with something in his pocket.

"Fuck you! Just tell me where the hell he is!" I yelled. I had no time for this. The Man sighed.

"Here, because I have a heart I'll tell you that he did buy just about five munities ago, but I don't know where he went." I ran a hand though my hair. "You know, it's a shame about April, she was one of my best costumers."

"I don't have time for this." I kept on my bike and I continued down the street. I saw a figure in the ally way next to the life café and I went down that way, figuring I would take my chances for Roger. I leapt off my bike when I saw that it was the Rocker. Holding a needle in his hand, forearm wrapped with a piece of fabric.

"Roger!" I yelled running over to him. I knelt down in front of him; he was clutching the needle tightly in his fist so I couldn't tell if there was anything left in it. "Rog did you…" He opened his hand and I saw that the liquid was still in there, I took a breath of relief.

"No, I was going to, but you showed up." I put my hand out.

"Roger, give me the needle." I asked. He shook his head holding it tighter.

"No! I'm going to fucking shoot up here right now and you can't do anything about it." I shook my head.

"Rog, no… please, you're stronger then this."

"No, I'm not strong." He argued with me.

"Are you kidding me? Look how far you have gotten, look how much you have gotten through. Please Rog, for me, give me the needle. You don't need it." My best friend shook his head, not letting the tears in his eyes fall.

"It-It hurts Mark… I need it" He said locking eye with me.

"I know it hurts, but this will just set you back, it will erase all the struggle you have gone through in the past weak, all the struggle _we_ ha been through. You're my brother Rog, and I love you, I can't let you go down like this, not if I can help it." I finally realized that tears where coming down from my eyes. He let his own tears fall and he handed me the needle, taking off the fabric on his arm. I smiled wide and hugged him tightly. "That my strong Roger." We both stood up and we made our way back to the loft. When we got in we where bombarded by Maureen.

"Where the hell where you? I was ready to call the fucking cops!" she yelled. Roger turned to me.

"Go to you room, I'll be there in a second" He silently walked in there and shut his door. I turned my attention back to the angered Maureen.

"Well? Do you have anything to say?"

"Roger got out, I found him in an ally with a needle ready to shoot up, but he gave it to me." I explained.

"Well thank God you didn't get stabbed like I thought you did!" I smiled at her. Just then the phone rang, of course we screened it. Maureen voice came out of the machine.

"_Hey you have reached, Collins, Benny, Maureen, Mark and Roger! Leave a message, bye!"_

…we really need to change that message. Collins voice came on the phone.

"Hey if your there we haven't found Roger, me and Benny are at a payphone near the park." I raced to the phone and picked it up.

"Hey Col, Yeah I got him… No, everything's fine he didn't… I'll tell you when you get here." I hung up the phone and tuned to my girlfriend. "I need to go talk to Roger, I'll be back." She nodded and kissed me randomly.

"Okay Marky." I smiled at her and went into Roger's room. I peaked inside and saw him sitting on his bed staring at his guitar, not recognizing my presence. I went and sat next to him.

"I'm really proud of you Roger." I told him truthfully. He looked up at me and nodded.

"Yeah… I still wish I hadn't listened." I couldn't help but smirk. "You should take a nap, you look tired."

"Alright." He agreed and lay down. I shut off his light and walked out the door. Just the Collins and Benny came in.

"What happened?" Benny immediately questioned.

"Saw him in an alley ready to shoot up, I got him to hand over the needle." Collins smiled.

"It's a steep. A very good steep." I nodded.

"Yeah I know, I'm proud of him." I said.

"You should take a nap mark, you look tired." I laughed lightly. "What?"

"I just said that exact same thing to Roger." I didn't wait for a response as I got up and went to my room. Falling asleep the moment my head hit the pillows.

I woke up and got out of bed, wanting to know what time it was, stupid broken clocks. I walked out and saw Roger sitting on the couch next to Collins who was unwrapping the bandages around Roger's wrists, where he made the cuts. Roger looked up at me with a blank expression on his face. He then went back down to looking at his wrist. I winced when I saw the cuts on his wrist. Collins tried not to show emotion but I could tell he was still sad that roger would do that to himself. Roger thou seemed emotionless. He just stared at the cuts. I wished I could know what he was thinking, if he would do it again, if he felt bad about it. Collins quickly rewrapped the cuts in a new bandage and stood up.

"Alright, you're free from me." He said going into the kitchen. "Either of yall hungry?" he asked.

"No." we said in unison, I glared at Roger. "You need to eat." I told him. He shook his head in protest.

"No, I'll just throw it up anyway." He mumbled. I sighed.

"Just have something. Collins what do we have?" I asked. I looked in the fridge.

"Soup?" he offered.

"Perfect." He then began to heat it up. I sat down next to roger. "How are you feeling?" I asked, he shrugged.

"Pretty achy." He answered. I put my hand on his forehead and felt a slight fever but nothing to worry about.

"Where are Maureen and Benny?" I asked to no one unparticular.

"Maureen said something about dinner, and where the hell do you think Benny is?" Collins replied not looking up from the soup he was heating up. I rolled my eyes and turned back to Roger with a smile on my face. I was still extremely proud of him.

"What?" Roger snapped at me I shrugged as Collins came over with Roger's soup.

"Cool it man, he's just smiling." Collins said coming to my rescue. Roger just glared at the both of us and took a sip of the soup. There was randomly a beeping sound that I recognized at Collin's AZT beeper. Collins got up to get the medicine.

"Hey Rog, do you want to try taking the AZT?" I tried.

"No." He said flatly continuing to eat his soup. I sighed; I guess we would just have to wait to see the doctors… Collins came back over after taking his AZT. Roger ate half his soup before jumping up and running to the bathroom slamming the door. I ran a hand through my hair.

"Damn it! I thought he would actually keep something down." I looked over at the door. "He's lousing some weight." I said my eyes not leaving the door.

"I'll get better Mark. And by the way, I'm proud of you, for taking such good care of him." He stood up and up a hand on my shoulder. "You're a great friend." He said softly and walked away.

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><p><strong>Hey everyone! sorry this chapter tooklonger then i would like to get out! but i had finals and now it's SUMMER! I do work at a singing icecream shop and apretice at a theatre so dont excpect my updates to be sooner (Sorry) but they wont be later! <strong>**Thanks so much for reading and reviewing! So Just to make this story hopefully better for you i was wonder what you wanted to see more of-**

**1) Hurt Mark**

**2) Sick Roger**

**3) Violent/angry Roger**

**4) More April death refrences!**

**If you guys want to see more of something speak up! You dont even have to choose from these options! Thanks so much for R&R!**


	7. Chapter 7

**Mark's POV**

I woke up early the next morning, making sure Roger was okay in his room. It seemed now that everything I did revolved around my best friend. I walked into his bedroom to see Roger just sitting on his bed, looking as if he had seen a ghost.

"Rog? Are you okay?" I asked. Roger looked up at me his green eyes glassy.

"I miss her." Was all he whispered. I slowly went over to him and sat down next to him on the bed.

"I know you do Rog, but April wouldn't want you to be like this." H turned to me, hs eye now angry.

"What do you know? How do you know what she would have wanted?" Roger yelled at me.

"Roger calm down. Come on, you know she wouldn't want this." I said, my voice still steady and calm.

"No Mark okay! She wouldn't! but that doesn't change anything! That doesn't change the fact that I'm never going to see her again. That she killed herself, that it's my fault that I didn't see it coming! Can you change that mark! Can you!" by the end of his sentence he was shouting. I stood up from the bed.

"No I can't change what happed! But what use is sitting in the dark being depressed about it?" I asked, starting to get frustrated with him.

"You don't know mark! You think you know everything but you don't!"

"No I don't think that I Just-" I was cut off when Roger quickly got off the bed and knocked me to the ground. He pinned me down by my shoulders.

"Do you know what it's like knowing you're going to die?" He punched me in the stomach "Do you know what it's like to never be able to love again, or even care?" Another blow to my chest. "Do you know how much I just want to be numb?" He stood up and kicked me in the chest. "And do you know what helps me with that? My smack, so just stay out of my way." He kicked me in my side. "You don't know everything Mark" He then turned and walked out of the room. I thank what ever god is up there that Collins was woken up by the noise and came out of his room. I heard a gruff sleep deprived voice say.

"Where is Mark? Roger! Where is Mark?" I could only hear a small muffled reply from Roger fallowed by hard footsteps coming my way. I saw Collins looked over me.

"Damn it Roger!" He yelled. The anarchist helped me sit up against the bed. "Shit mark your side is bleeding." He went into the bathroom and came back in a flash with the emergency bandages. He put it around my waist and helped me stand up. That's when I noticed a pale looking Roger standing in the doorway. He was staring directly at the blood on my shirt.

"It's alright Rog, I'm okay." I told him gently. Collins gave me a glare as if to say 'You should be yelling at him right now.' I just ignored him and turned my attention back to my best friend. I painfully made my way closer to him but backed up. "Roger come on, don't worry I'm fine." As I stared into his eyes I kept saying to my self. _It wasn't him it was the drugs. _As I contused to say that phrase in my head I realized that it was getting more difficult to believe.

"I-I'm sorry Mark I-I just didn't… I wasn't." he stammered.

"It's aright Rog, just go sit on the couch I'll make you something to eat." He nodded and went into the living room.

"This can't keep happing, what if I didn't wake up?" Collins said softly so Roger wouldn't be able to hear. I sighed.

"I know col, but it's not him, it's just the withdrawal." Collins brown eyes locked with my blue.

"Are you sure about that?" He said. I looked at Roger and frowned, I just shook my head and walked into the kitchen. I made him some soup, our last can and carried it over to him. I set it down in front of him and he ate it quickly. At least he was getting his apatite back. When he was done he turned to me.

"Can I go out on the fire escape?" He asked. I nodded and he got up and went out the window. I sat on the couch for a little, sore from this morning. That is when Maureen came in.

"Hi pookie! I gota run! I'm going to the life with a friend!" she headed towards the door when I stopped her.

"Maureen, who are you meeting?" I had to know, I was fed up with these mysterious meetings.

"Oh just some girl I met in the park the other day! Bi really have to run! Bye!" she kissed me quickly on the cheek and ran out of the loft. I sat back down on the couch watching Roger on the fire escape. Knowing that she was meeting a girl calmed me down. As I contused to watch Roger I noticed him leaning on the railing and shivering slightly. I got up and went on the fire escape.

"Roger, come on, come inside, your getting sick out here." I said, it really didn't make much sense, it was warm out, but there was a cool breeze.

"No I like it out here." He defended looking out to alphabet city, totally ignoring the fact that he could barley stand without the railing.

"Come on Rog, I promise we can come out later." He finally looked away from the city and at me.

"Your promise?" He said, like a child to his parent. I nodded

"Yes, now let's get you inside." I got off the fire escape and he fallowed me and sat on the couch. I went into his room and got a blanket putting it on top of him. I sat down next to him and he probably didn't even notice but he leaned on me. He shut his eyes and stared at the bandages on his wrist. I began to think what if it was Roger who killed him self and not April? I imidetally shut that out of my mind. He isn't going to kill him self. Or maybe he is killing him self, his own blood cells are slowly killing him. Again the hatred for April burned inside of me. Roger moved slightly and pressure on my chest, which still hurt from this morning. it looked at Rogers shivering form and kept repeating. _It wasn't him it was the drugs._ I started to think… was I lying to my self?

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><p><strong>Hey sorry about the long wait for this short chapter! My computer had the first hald of this chapter on it and it crashed so i had to wait to get it fixed but when it was the file was gone :( anyway! thank you for wating and R&amp;R<strong>


	8. Chapter 8

Roger woke up when Benny entered the apartment.

"Benny where the hell have you been?" I asked slightly mad at him for not saying.

"I got a job, to pay for an engagement ring for Alison!" he said excitedly. My blue eyes went wide for several reasons. One, because He was getting engaged period! Two it was to Alison Gray, a rich girl. Three he was working to buy an engagement ring, because it's not like we need food or heat or anything.

"Good for you Benny." I got out through clenched teeth. Benny smiled and looked at Roger ad if for approval. Roger just shrugged and walked into his room.

"How has he been" Benny asked me.

"Oh the same, violent at times, sad at times, mad at times and always sick." I sighed and sat back down on the couch when Collins came out from his room. When Benny told Collins about the job the anarchist had the same expression on as I did.

"Wow Ben! Congrats, I'm sure she will say yes." Benny smiled brightly and went into his room to take a nap. "I can't believe that little shit." Collins muttered right when Benny's door shut. "Like he gets a job now! When we have been sitting in this shitty apartment with no food for two years!" He ranted. I stayed quiet through it, I mean it did bug me, but Benny could do whatever he wanted, why did it matter to me? Collins stood up. "I'm going to see Roger." He waked into the rockers room to see him staring at his guitar. I stood in the doorway making sure roger didn't try anything. "Want to play it?" Roger looked up at him and shrugged not saying a word. "You going to say anything?" The Anarchist pressed on. Roger just stared up at him like he wanted to say something but then looked at the ground. "Well I'm going to go then." Collins then stood up and walked out of the room. I fallowed him into the kitchen.

"He hasn't said a word for a while now." I explained to Collins.

"You should go film something; you haven't been out in a while." He randomly told me. I shook my head.

"I can't, you remember last time how he freaked when I left." I really did want to go out and start on that new documentary but Roger came first.

"Think of your self for once Mark." That was the end of the conversation as Collins went into his room to prepare for his next tutoring session. I walked over to my camera and reached for it but before I got to even touch it I heard a loud crash coming from Roger's room. I quickly opened the door to see roger holding his guitar over his head, the old guitar had an indent on the bottom of it as if it was dropped, but then it clicked, Roger was breaking his guitar. He was about to smash it on the ground again not even noticing I was there. I quickly ran in front of him so he couldn't smash it.

"Get out of my way Mark." He said in a warning tone of voice.

"No, you are not breaking your guitar, why would you even want to do that? This is a part of you!" I tried to convince him but his green eyes showed me that it wasn't working.

"Not anymore, I'm done with everything. I'm done with music, I'm done with you, and I'm done with living." I shut my eyes and shook my head. Roger lowered his arms and handed me his guitar. "Get rid of it." He said in a softer voice. I took it for him and looked down at it, missing the music that used to come out of it. The hopeful music that said there would be a better day, the music and hope that came out of Roger. By giving me his guitar, he gave me his hope. I turned my back to him so he couldn't see the tears in my eyes. For once I didn't know what to say… he was tired of living? How could he say that? I put the guitar down and whipped my eyes before turning back to him.

"Let me see your wrists." I wasn't asking him, I was ordering. He looked down and pulled up his sleeves to revel deep cuts running up and down his arms. "Jesus Christ Roger…" I said exasperated and tired. "When the hell did you do this?" I asked.

"Razor, I brought it into my room." I held out my hand.

"Give it." He shook his head looking scared. "Roger give it to me now." He looked defeated and went over to his bed and took a razor out of his pillow case, he came back over to me and put it in my hand. "I just have one question." He looked up at me giving me his full attention. "Why did you just cut? Why didn't you kill yourself? You said your done with living so why?" out eyes locked and I looked down at his wrists.

"You." My blue eyes shot up to meet his. I put a hand on his forehead to feel that he was warm.

"Get in bed, I'll get you something to eat." He nodded and I walked out of the room with silent tears falling from my eyes.

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><p><strong>Hey I know this chapters a little shot but it just felt right to end it here. So i want to thank you all so much for reviewing and i have a question for you.<strong>

**Do you like the pace the story is going at- a day by day thing. or would you rather it go a little faster like maybe skip a week or something. Thanks in advance! I really do take your ideas into heart. Thanks so much for reading!**


	9. Chapter 9

The rest of that day went quiet. Roger was in the bathroom puking his guts out after he ate then came to the couch where I held him till he fell asleep. It was almost like a routine, when roger didn't feel well all I could do was sit next to his shaking form and hold his arms so he wouldn't itch his track marks. I woke up the next morning to a hangover Maureen who was still fast asleep. When I turned on the light she groaned and went n under the covers.

"Marky, it's too bright." She whined, and turned over. I laughed lightly and shut off the light and went out to see roger sitting next to Collins who was working on a paper. I went over to the kitchen and got my self a coffee. I looked at Roger who was just sitting there his eye darting around the room.

"Rog?" He looked up like he was startled. "Are you alright?" He didn't answer he just brought his knees up to his chest and looked at the wall. Collins stood up still looking at his papers.

"Alright boys, I'm off your friend here has a teaching interview for NYU" He stated proudly and walked out. I looked in Benny's room and saw that he too was gone. I sat down next to roger and felt his forehead and was not surmised by what I felt.

"You're running a fever, why don't you go lay down?" I suggested. He looked at me then stood up and headed for his room. In a blink of an eye I saw him darting towards the door. "Roger!" I yelled and ran after him. He stopped and grabbed me by the arm twisting it behind my back, I but my lip from yelling out in pain.

"Don't even think about stopping me." He warned. It took me a second to realize that it was roger, it didn't sound like him at all. He sounded angry, hurt, sad, and most of all desperate.

"R-Rog come on let go." I got out though my clenched teeth.

"No because you will try to stop me." He said in that same voice.

"Yes I will because I care about you roger! You are my best friend and have been since freshman year!" I said trying to bring my old roger back. He only tightened his grip on my arm.

"I need this mark! And no one is going to get in my way! I'll do anything for it!" He said and pushed me down to the ground on my stomach my arm still behind my back. I groaned in pain I was still sore for his last episode, of course I tried not to complain but when you where pinned down to the ground it fucking hurt.

"N-No you don't Rog! You don't need it! You can do it!" I yelled to him. He brought my arm further behind my back and I felt a pop and I shut my eye tightly and almost made my lip bleed from biting it so hard.

"You're a fucking liar! Don't tell me what I need! You're not me Mark!" He then let go of my arm. "And I'm leaving." He said in that desperate voice again. I cradled my arm.

"Hey!" I called after him and he turned around. "If you walk out that door, everything we have done will have been for nothing."

"Well then you have been waiting your time." He stated and opened the door. I was so relieved when Maureen came out.

"Do either of you know the meaning of quiet?" She yelled then gasped when she saw me on the ground and roger about to leave. She ran and stood in between him and the door.

"Roger don't you dare leave this loft." She said in a warning voice.

"Get out of my way Maureen or else." He warned right back.

"Roger Davis you would not even think about hitting me! Let alone do it!" she yelled at him. "Now come on, come inside and go to your room and rest." She said in a totally different voice. Roger just turned around and headed towards his room. He stopped and looked at the wall where some of his posters and fliers hung. He rushed to the wall and gripped a hand full of posters and ripped them off the wall and threw them on the ground.

"Get this shit off the wall." He muttered before going into his room slamming the door behind him.

"Pookie are you okay?" Maureen asked me bending down.

"Yeah… I'll be fine, it's just my shoulder." I wouldn't admit that I was in a great amount of pain, and I thought the last beating from him hurt. Maureen touched my shoulder but I hissed in pain and she backed away.

"I think it may be dislocated." She observed. I rolled my eyes, like Maureen was a doctor. "We should probably take you to the doctor." This time I laughed.

"Yeah like we can afford that."

"I'll take you to the free clinic." She offered helping me up. I nodded still watching Rogers door out of the corner of my eyes.

"Alright, we just have to wait for Benny to get back to watch Roger." We both sat down on the couch. "Good thinking on your feet, I didn't even think of using you." We all knew that Roger would never hit a girl, his father beat his mother and some times even Roger and Roger always swore that he would never be like his father and hit a woman. Maureen smiled at me and kissed me on the cheek gently.

"Your too good to Roger you know that? You take all of this from him and you still protect him." She said. I smiled back at her as Benny came in.

"Man what happened to you?" He said noticing that my face was paler then usual and my arm was being cradled by my other arm. When I didn't answer he sighed. "Roger?" I just nodded he dropped his bag on the ground and marched to Rogers room and opened the door. "What the fuck did you do this time Roger?" The rocker looked up at him in shock.

"Nice to see you actually here for once Ben." Roger responded. Benny was going to have none of it.

"Well I could have said the same to you when you where out all night getting high." He said crossing his arms.

"What do you want?" Roger just wanted to get to the point.

"What the hell did you do to mark?" Benny asked again.

"None of your business." Roger replied.

"Oh yes it is! He is my friend too and-" Roger cut him off

"Yeah some friend going out a getting a job so you can leave us all here."

"Look who is talking! Mark is sitting in there with cuts and bruises and probably a broken arm because of you!" Benny yelled getting annoyed at the rocker.

"Just shut the hell up Benny and leave me alone, I didn't mean to." I stood up from the couch at what roger just said and made my way over to the door behind Benny.

"Oh you didn't? You can't attack someone by accident Roger!" Benny Argued.

"I-I didn't mean to hurt him! You think I want to hurt him? Do you think I like doing it?" I looked at my arm I was holding and sighed.

"Then you wouldn't do it!" Benny did have a good point… No, no roger would never hurt me on porpous he is my best friend he would never. It's just withdrawal, it's the drugs.

"I can't help it Benny! You don't understand and you never will!" his eyes then turned to look at me. "Even thou I wish you would." That was it, I pushed through Benny and sat next to roger on his bed.

"Rog, I know you don't mean it." I said in a calm voice.

"Don't let him manipulate you mark!" Benny jumped in. I just stared into Roger's green eyes and turned away.

"Maureen and I are going to the free clinic, stay here with him?" I asked Benny who only nodded.

"No! Mark don't leave me! Please Marky I'm so sorry! Just don't leave!" I shut my eyes and stood up and fallowed Benny out of the room and locked Roger's door from the outside. Immediately I could hear him banging on the door yelling for me. I wanted to open the door so badly but I knew I couldn't. Maureen grabbed my hand and we walked outside to the clinic.

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><p><strong>Hello! Yes i know long wait! sorry about that! things has been crazy here! Huricane irene is comming and i live in NJ so my power will be out proabally. Thanks for reading and reviewing!<strong>


	10. Chapter 10

**Mark's POV**

Just sitting in that clinic just made more thoughts of roger swarm into my mind. That note written in Aprils writing is now in some dump somewhere, ripped up into pieces by Roger. Maureen put a hand on my shoulder and I flinched away hissing in pain.

"Sorry pookie." She apologized. I nodded in response. It was so hard to believe Roger did this to me. The kid who sat in the back of the room with spiked up blonde hair just scribbling things on a piece of paper. Later I figured out they where songs.

His songs, his music- it's like it didn't even matter to him anymore. His guitar sat in my room just collecting dust. I catch my self staring at that guitar just remembering. I could see it as if it was right before me. My best friend sitting on the couch plucking on random notes trying to think of something amazing. Then April would walk in and he would put that guitar right down. I used to think he wouldn't put that guitar down for anything, but the heroin proved me wrong.

"Mark Cohen?" I stopped thinking when a nurse called my name and Maureen fallowed me into the room. I struggled to take off my shirt so the doctor could get a full look at my arm. When I did I smirked at how pale I was, Roger always made fun of me because of it.

No, stop thinking of him. This is about you right now Mark. I tried to tell my self, even thou I knew it would be no use. The doctor then moved my arm and I bit my lit to not cry out in pain. I knew I couldn't let this little pain get to me. Roger was going through internal hell, I had no right to complain. I was too busy thinking about Roger that I hadn't even noticed the doctor was talking to me.

"Huh? I'm sorry what?" The doctor rolled his eyes at me probably thinking I was just a drunk or a junkie.

"Your sprained your shoulder pretty badly, almost dislocated it. Did you break that shoulder when you where younger?" I nodded smiling at the memory of me and roger in our junior year of high school with me attempting to teach roger how to make a K-turn for his driving exam that I already passed. Roger K-turned right into a wall.

"Well you need to be more careful next time. You could re-break the bone." He placed my arm in a sling, I thanked him then left with Maureen. We where quiet until we where clear of the clinic, then Maureen asked.

"Are you okay Marky? You have been out of it all day? Did you hit your head?" she suddenly looked worried and checked my head for any bumps.

"No, Maureen I'm fine, just… thinking." I told her. We where silent for the rest of our walk. We soon reached the apartment and opened the door to see Benny looking pissed- as he always did now, and Collins writing on something which I assumed was another job application.

"Are you okay mark?" Benny asked.

"Yeah, I'll be fine, just a bad sprain." I explained and he seemed to relax. "Are _you_ okay Benny?" I asked right back.

"Fine, Roger finally shut up and stopped whining and went to sleep." He muttered.

"Don't talk about him like that!" I argued, I thought Roger was his friend! what is Benny just going to be an Ass now that things are hard.

"Oh And why shouldn't I? You should be bitching the most Mark! How many bruises do you have now?" I glared at him.

"Well unlike you Roger is my friend! And I would do anything for him!" Benny stood up from the couch and threw his arms up in the air.

"Oh that's such bull shit mark! Are you so blind behind those glasses that you can't even see what he's doing! He's manipulating you mark! He's going to get everything out of you until you have nothing left and he has everything!" Mark I clenched my teeth and shoved him as hard as I could with my good arm, then slugged him in the nose. "What the fuck Mark?"

"You don't know anything Coffin! All you have been doing is bitching around and not helping with anything you jack ass! All you care about is Allison" I yelled.

"Just like all he cared about was April! I'm giving him what her deserves!"

"That's enough." Collins stood in between us. "would roger want you guys to be fighting."

"He would probably get a kick out of it." Benny mumbled. I tried to change at him again but only was stopped by Collins.

"Shut it both of you!" Collins said demandingly. "Benny- Mark is right, you have been a jack ass, look after someone other then yourself and… Muffy! for once." Maureen giggled at the name Collins gave Allison. "And Mark- You need to do the opposite! Care about your self for once!" he shoved us to away from each other.

"I'm going to check on Roger." Collins sighed and shook his head as I undid the lock on Rogers door and went inside to see him asleep in his bed. He was laying on his back and was buried under a pile of blankets, but he was still shivering. I sat on the other side of his bed and ran my hand through his hair and frowned. This wasn't my best friend, this wasn't Roger.

If you showed me my life to me now when I was 16 I wouldn't believe it. This wasn't supposed to happen. He wasn't supposed to be a junkie, he wasn't supposed to be going through withdrawal, he wasn't supposed to be grieving over a girl who committed suicide, he wasn't supposed to have AIDS, We weren't supposed to end up like this. But I guess we will have to make the best of it. He was alive, he wasn't the one who killed him self. I looked down at his wrists… even thou he tried. He was still my best friend, and I don't care what anyone says, not Maureen, not Collins and not Benny. I wouldn't give up… I have to keep going.

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><p><strong>I Know i know i know! it's been like over a month since i updated! I'm so sorry! school started up again and so did theatre and i've been so busy! But I'll try to get my chapters out MUCH quicker. So i really wanted this chapter to focus on Mark, because i feel i have neglected him :) Also sorry about my spelling and grammar i know i'm not the best and I dont have a Beta. So i'll ask you a question like i do every chapter! why not?<strong>

**Do you think any characters are OOC? If you tell me who and why! and i'll try to fix it! Thanks!**

**As always Thanks for reading and i hope to see you soon!**


	11. Chapter 11

I stayed in Rogers room and watched him sleep that night, I refused to go out and talk to Benny or Collins or even Maureen for that matter! Roger started to fidget and mumble in his sleep then bolted up almost knocking me off the bed.

"Where is she?" Roger frantically yelled pushing the blankets off of him.

"Who Roger?" I asked gently.

"April! Where is she!" he jumped out of his bed and I stood up as well.

"Roger… April isn't here, you know she isn't." I reached out to him and he swatted my arm away looking around desperately.

"N-No she isn't dead! It was all just a dream! She's here some where!" The guitarist ran out of the room and grabbed his leather jacket.

"Where are you going?" I questioned fallowing him out.

"To find April!" He responded heading for the door. Collins herd the commotion and woke up from the couch he was sleeping on, and got up and put his hands on Rogers shoulders and looked at him sternly.

"Roger, she's gone." Roger collapsed in the Anarchist arms.

"No, no, no, no she isn't dead… she isn't dead, no it's just a dream, just a dream." he kept repeating to himself. Collins picked up Roger, easily now since the rocker had lost so much weight. Collins pushed past Benny and Maureen who came out of their rooms during the episode. I watched as Collins sat roger down on his bed and kneel in front of him. The anarchist whispered some thing to Roger who just nodded. Collins soon then left the room shutting the doors.

"What did you say to him." Benny asked.

"Reality." The African American then headed back to his room he shared with Benny.

"Collins!" I called after him, he turned around. "Thank you." He nodded to me.

"Roger is my friend too, he goes down, we all do." Tom then walked into his room fallowed by Benny leaving me with Maureen. She drama queen came up to me and I grabbed her hand leading her to the couch. When we sat down she didn't lean on me like she usually did.

"Marky I-I can't do this any more." She whispered, her brown eyes refusing to look into my blue.

"Maureen what are you-" she cut me off.

"I need to leave this loft. You need to pay all your attention to Roger right now. No… you want to pay all your attention to Roger." She attempted to explain to me.

"Maureen I-… Roger is hurting right now, everything can't be about you!" I stood up "I can't believe this! You of all people are being selfish now!"

"I'm not selfish!" she defended. "Do you think I want to leave Mark! I'm doing this for you!"

"I need you here Maureen, you keep me going." I took her hands and kissed her but she pulled away from me.

"Mark, I can't keep doing this to you, I can't see you anymore. I'll be back tomorrow for my stuff." She went out the door. I chased after her.

"Where are you going to go!" I called down the stairs, but she just ignored me. I went back inside and slammed the door and slammed my fist on the couch. I went into my room and threw all of Maureen's things in a suitcase and threw it out the door. I looked around the dark room and backed into the wall that connected my room and Roger's. I slid down the wall so I was sitting against it and pulled my knees up to my chest.

"Is this what I get?" I whispered into my knees. "Is this what I deserve?" I said a little louder. I put my knees down and revealed my tear stained red cheeks. "Maybe I am the selfish one, for wanting things back to normal" I looked into the darkness, into the nothingness. "I gave up everything!" I said now in my normal voice, standing up. "Am I allowed to believe for one second that for ONCE something bad would turn out good!" I walked over to the closed widow and watched the people and cars go across alphabet city. "WHAT WILL I GAIN FROM THIS? IS THIS ALL I EARN!" I sighed and sat down on my bed. "Who am I kidding. I'm lying to my self… I'm just one person, I can't handle all of this" I opened my window and looked at the sky. "IF YOU WANT A GAME YOU'VE GOT IT!"

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><p>I woke up the next day on the floor awkwardly. I got up and went out side to see Maureen's suitcase gone, she must have came. Benny was sitting reading the paper and Roger was sitting on the windowsill with his head against the glass. Benny came up to me and put a hand on my shoulder.<p>

"Look Mark, I-"  
>"Save it." I shrugged away from him.<p>

"I'm going to say it weather you listen or not. I herd about Maureen, I'm sorry man. But more then that, I'm sorry for the way I acted, your right, I was being uncaring, I'm just frustrated okay, I need to get out of this place, I need to make a name for my self, this world is a cold corrupting world that waits for no one." I turned to him

"You really want to make it up to me?" he nodded.

"If you'll let me."

"Get Muffy and her family to give me three thousand dollar." Benny's dark eyes went wide.

"What why? What do you need with that kind of money!" He questioned, I looked at Roger and pulled Benny into my room.

"I need to put Roger in a rehab, you get me the money I forgive you and you get Roger out. Win, win for you."

"Since when have you been such a con-man Mark?" he asked me, eye brows raised. I rolled my eyes.

"Deal or not?" He nodded and shook my hand.

"Deal." I went outside to Roger and Benny left to get the money. I sat down next to Roger on the window sill. I felt his forehead, it was cool from the cold glass that he was leaning against.

"How are you feeling?" I asked. He didn't respond, he just shifted his green eyes to meet mine in a painful look then to look back out the window. "Want something to eat?" the Rocker just shook his head. "Come on Rog, please, you need to eat." Roger just shook his head again and got up and left to his room. Once he shut the door I got up and went to the phone book and called the closest rehab center there was. An older sounding woman answered.

"Hello my name is Mark Cohen and I would like to check in my friend for heroin addiction… He has been clean for about two weeks now but it's just…" The woman told me she understood and asked for his name. "Roger Davis, Age 21." I suddenly felt a blow to my side and the phone was hung up. I looked up to see Roger above me.

"Don't you dare send me to the death trap of hell!" I stood up

"Roger, you've given me no choice!" He charged at me and we wrestled on the ground.

"I will NEVER go there! NEVER!" It was strange how I was able to over power him. At that moment I realized how much of a tool the withdrawal was taking on his physical body. I was able to pin him down and grab him by the arm and lock him in his room. He began pounding on the door. "I'll kill you mark! I'll kill you if you send me there! You fucking bastard! How could you, you bastard! HOW COULD YOU!" I bit my bottom lip so hard it bleed as I attempted not to back down as I took the phone in my hand again and dialed the number.

"Hello I'm sorry about that this is..." I paused looking at Rogers door shaking as he pounded on it. "This is Mark Cohen again calling for my friend Roger Davis…"

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><p><strong>I'm so sorry i haven't updated in forever! But i was rehearsing for a show i was in but now it is over and i will have more time! Thank you all for waiting and Reading and please Review!<strong>


	12. Chapter 12

**Mark's POV**

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><p>watched from the couch quietly as Collins struggled with roger to get him into the Benny's car. Well it was really Allison's, but she said we could use it. I still felt like I was abandoning Roger, even thou Collins tried to convince me that I was doing the right thing. Once we got roger in the car and strapped in the back me and Collins sat down next to him- each of us on one side of him. Benny got in the found and the small car drove off.<p>

Roger just stared at me, his green eyes filled with all these feelings, the most obvious one was hatred. When ever we locked eyes a different memory came into my mind- Aprils death, us first meeting, me and roger hiding in my tree house so he wouldn't have to go home to his abusive household, His first gig at CBGB's. I couldn't take it anymore thankfully we pulled up to the new looking white building and had the same struggle to get the rocker out of the car. With help from some of the doctor roger was out of the car and inside the lobby of the center. I took out my camera and filmed the scenery around me. White floors, white walls, and doctors in white jackets everything was so clean, so… fake. It didn't look real. And I turned the camera back to roger he still has his eyes on me with the same face. I put the camera down and listened to the doctor talking to us, telling us when we could visit, what roger would be going though. I took mental notes on all of this; I wanted to know my best friend was being cared for when I wasn't around.

Soon it was time to say goodbye and I just nodded to Roger, actually afraid what he would do if I tired to hug him. Was I actually afraid of him? Roger my best friend I was afraid of?

"I-Ill come visit you soon, please do this for me." For the first time since we left the loft Rogers gaze left mine and went to Collins who did hug him. The African American whispered something in Roger's ear I couldn't hear then they pulled apart. Benny didn't say anything, he just started walked towards the doors, Collins fallowed him and then with one last look I headed towards the doors.

"MARK! NO! LET ME GO! MARK COME BACK! NO DON'T LEAVE ME HERE! MARK!" Roger yelled to me, I went to turn back to see him but Collins put an arm around my shoulder.

"Don't turn back, you don't want to see. This is where he needs to be." I listened to him and walked out the door, and the rockers cries drowned out with the sound of the city. Benny led me to the car but I shook my head.

"No im going to film for a while… give me two hours." Collins nodded and got in the car with Benny and drove off. I tuned my camera towards the building that now held my friend.

"Close on the Rehab center, where Roger is now inside. God help those doctors' soles." I laughed to my self- they didn't know how Roger could be. "Please Rog… just be strong…" I shut off the camera and held it at my side.

I made my way back to the loft; filming some homeless people for my new documentary- I still didn't have a name for it. I soon got back to the loft where Collins was sleeping on the couch. This old place which I came to call home seemed so empty now. I walked quietly into my room and shut the door. I sat down on the old uncomfortable bed and started in the corner where Roger's fender guitar, that was now collecting dust, sat just yearning to be touched.

When I shut my eyes I could still hear the sound that Roger created with that guitar. God I missed that sound, it always gave me a sense of home, without that music my I just felt lost, without Roger I was lost…

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><p><strong>Yes finally another update! i really don't have an excuse i just had writers block and i got no reviews for my last chapter so i go kind of discouraged. Anyway would you want me to change it up and not do any mark in the next chapter and focus on Roger alone a rehab or skip to mark's pov where he visits roger? Thank you all for <strong>**reading! untill next time!**


	13. Chapter 13

**Mark's POV**

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><p><strong>Sepetember<strong> **13th**

I took in a breath before walking into the Rehab center that was currently containing my best friend. I signed in as a visitor. It had only been five days since we put Roger in here and it seemed like it was forever ago. The loft just wasn't the same without the rocker, even if he was trying to beat me to death. Benny had moved out two days ago after he proposed to Muffy, or what ever her name is, I think I just like Muffy.

I nervously tapped my fingers on the chairs armrests and I looked at the unfamiliar faces around me. It seemed as if everyone had the same expression on there faces, just a blank dull look in all of there eyes made me more restless then before. Finally after ten minutes a man who looked a little older then me wearing a gray suit carrying a clipboard came up to me.

"Are you the Mark Cohen who is here for Roger Davis?" He asked me not meeting my eyes but looking down at the clipboard.

"Yes." I stated. He then lead me to a hallway where people with the same facial expression as the people who where in the waiting room walked from room to room. I fallowed the man to a door which he opened and lead me inside. It was a small simple off white room with wooden table and two chairs.

"We will get Mr. Davis for your visit." I thanked him and he left. In the quiet room I heard a small ringing sound in my ear but paid no attention to it. I began tapping my fingers on the table again. When the door opened again Roger was being head by his triceps by two doctors. He almost looked like he was a prisoner being brought into court. But the scariest thing about it was that my friend now had that look on his face, the same as all the other people I've see today. It was almost like he was a walking zombie, like he was brainwashed to have no emotions at all. He was forcibly sat down in the chair across the table from me. Roger shook off the men's hands and doctors walked out leaving us alone.

"Hey Rog…" I broke the ice after a couple of seconds of just locking eyes and staring. When he didn't respond I continued. "Are they treating you good here? How are you?" he continued to glare at me until he stood up.

"You want to know how im doing? You dumped me here Mark! Just like April! I HATE YOU MARK! I HATE YOU! You just left me alone again! All because you wanted to get rid of me!" I stood up as well I thought he might have taken sending him here like an abandonment but I had to take the risk.

"No Roger, I sent you here because I thought it would help you more then I could! Don't you want to get better?" I told him my side of the story.

"Maybe I don't! Who care anymore! All I know is you're the crappyist friend anyone could ever have!" My jaw dropped.

"I can't believe you would actually say that! After everything I've done for you! You're the crappyist friend in the word! You know what I don't even know why I bother with you anymore!" As I was yelling this I didn't notice roger coming closer to me, when I did it was too late and he shoved me and landed a punch to my jaw. I backed up and stumbled away from him and tried to regain my balance but he tacked me to the floor letting me hit my head on the way down. He got kneeled on top of me crushing my ribs as he kept throwing punches to my face. I attempted to cover my face with my forearms but he kept finding an open spot. As soon as it started it was over because Roger was lifted up off of me I was helped up and I heard Roger yelling a sting of curse words trying to fight the doctors, but in his weak state he had no chance.

"Roger if you don't stop I will sedate you again!" one of the doctors threatened.

"I swear to god you do that and you'll fucking die!" The Blonde yelled back, but did stop struggling. A bright light attacked my blue eyes as a doctor put a flashlight in my face.

"Nothings broken because you blocked but you will have some bad bruises, and the cut might need stitches." The older man in a white coat said to me but I waved him off.

"I-I'll be fine, I'll call my friend to pick me up." By the time the man helped me up Roger was gone, and I was slightly worried what they would do to him. Damn it even after he beats me up I still care and worry about him. I borrowed to rehab's phone and called Collins, and lets just say he wasn't happy when he came and saw me like this.

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><p><strong>Sepetember 20th<strong>

I walked into the sterile white room, where roger was sitting down in a grey leather chair. A white haired man who looked like he was in his mid 50's sat behind a simple desk in an office chair, he frowned at me probably because of my black eye, my bruised cheek the bandage around my forehead.

"You must be Mark, take a seat I'm Rogers therapist- Doctor. Rankin" He shook my hand and I sat down next to Roger in a chair identical to the one he was sitting in. The rocker kept his eyes on the floor.

"Nice to meet you, but if I may ask, why did you call me into a session?" Usually the therapy sessions where just for the patients.

"Well Roger refuses to talk and I hoped that you could help us get to the root of his issues." I glanced over to the chair next to me where Roger was rolling his eyes and fidgeting.

"Well, he started heroin when his girlfriend April introduced it to him." I looked to Roger whose head shot up and he glared at me. "Then she killed herself when she found out they both had HIV." I explained.

".Up." Roger warned me, but I ignored him.

"After her death and the AIDS we knew he had to stop." The therapist nodded and wrote something down.

"Mark I swear to god."

"Roger please I called him here and-" Dr. Rankin started.

"You shut the fuck up too! You don't know anything about me! Just be cause you went to a fancy school doesn't mean you can judge me!" He then stood up and walked to the door but found it locked. "Why the hell is it locked? This place is a fucking prison!" he huffed and sat back down but not before kicking the door.

"Are you done?" The doctor asked calmly. My best friend didn't respond, just crossed his arms and glowered. "Mark would you please continue?" I nodded.

"Well I guess you already know but he can get… Violent." I shifted in my seat nervously as I felt Roger's stare. "And he wasn't eating and I was worried about his health." I looked over to my best friend whose green eyes softened.

"Mark… I'm going to die anyway." He said softly.

"A month and a year are different Roger you know that!" I didn't want to have this argument again, especially not in front of his doctor.

"Ahhh now we are getting to the heart of the problem." Dr. Rankin stated looking up from his clipboard.

"You son of a bitch!" Roger yelled and stood up went for the older man across the desk, I grabbed his arms and held him back,

"Roger stop it! This is why your in here!" and is why Collins wanted to come with me but he thought it would be okay if a therapist was with us. I didn't know why but roger then sat back down in a chair.

"I don't want to talk because it wont help, my emotions are my own not for you to examine. I already know im fucked up, I don't need anyone else to tell me that." Dr. Rankin seemed surprised by this.

"Well you should know that what happens in here will not be told to anyone, not even the doctors here." He tried to reason with the rocked but it looked like roger was going to have none of it.

"Rog, please just tell him something. Anything, tell him something about April, or your dad." I pleaded with him.

"What do you want a confession about how you where the only thing that kept me from killing my self when I was hiding in the closet as my dad beat my mom and I called you on the phone telling you I was going to do it, that you still are the only thing that keeps me from committing suicide! That when April left me alone with this horrible disease, having to kick heroin and being in pain every waking moment of my life it was like lousing a part of me! Like lousing you!" He was staring to cry now and I hugged him tightly, he didn't hug back so I just held him as he continued. "R-Remember when we where kids and I-I said I was going to k-kill my self and you s-said I couldn't because if I died then you would, th-that I couldn't leave you alone… w-well now im going to weather I like it or not I'm going to die way before you! H-How do I shake the guilt of leaving you all alone?" I bit my bottom lip and let it all out, I started sobbing and let out a painful cry into his shoulder as we just sat there clinging to each other for dear life.

"You can st-start by making the t-time we have left together be t-the best fucking years we've e-ever had." I lost track of time as we stayed in that position, totally forgetting Dr. Rankin was sitting right there until he spoke up.

"I think that will be all for today. Thank you for coming mark." He went to shake my hand but I didn't want to move, I was clinging to Roger like if I let go he would die. The doctor left the room and after about two minutes we pulled apart.

"You're my brother Rog and I love you." He nodded and whipped his tears away as two doctors in white came and grabbed him by the arms and took him out of the room. Our eyes stayed locked until the door shut and I was left alone. After taking a deep breath in I stood up and smiled walking out of the rehab center.

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><p><strong>Sepetember 29th<strong>

Collins and I walked down the street seeing the rehab center coming up ahead of us.

"You really didn't have to come Collins." Once he found out I had an alone visit with Roger he immediately wanted to come incase he got out of hand again.

"It's no problem Mark; I have to make sure my little albino is nice and safe." I put an arm around my shoulder as we walked. "Plus, it wouldn't be so bad to see how Roger's doing these days, he's still my pal you know." We entered the double doors and signed in and as usual sat down among the bleak faces of visitors and patients alike. We got called by an intern I didn't recognize and we went to a different visiting room then last time, but it still looked the same as the other one, I guessed that they all looked like this. I look over to Collins nervous to see Roger after my last visit, he clamped his large hand on my shoulder trying to tell me that everything would be fine but with no words. Roger was brought into the room escorted by one doctor who sat him down in the chair across the table from us. I smiled to see that it looked like he gained some of his weight back.

"Be good this time." The man said sternly to the rocker who just rolled his eyes. The doctor gave us a nod and left the room.

"Hey kid, how are you feeling?" Collins asked giving Roger a warm smile.

"Better, I can eat now without vomiting." He answered looking down at the table while twiddling his thumbs. This was wrong, something was off about him.

"That's good, have you been talking with Dr. Rankin?" I asked another question, and he kept his gaze down as he answered.

"Yeah, a little." This wasn't Roger; he was answering our questions like we weren't his friends, like it was a game of trivia.

"Benny and muffy got married three days ago." The African American told Roger.

"How was it?" the younger man asked in a raspy whisper.

"Expensive, not that im complaining it aint' my money!" Collins smiled at the rocker who looked up at him with his green eyes which where clouded with no emotion in them, he nodded before looking back down.

"Roger what's wrong? Why aren't you being, well… yourself?" I questioned but only got a shrug as a response. "Rog come on talk to us, you know you can." The blonde muttered something. I looked at Collins who raised one eyebrow.

"Boy you better speak up if you want us to hear you." Collins said. Roger looked up at us.

"I-I feel better- physically. Better then I've felt in months. I crave the drug less, but I still…" He looked down at his callused hands. "I don't feel like me… I don't know what I want anymore, what to say. Everyone here, they don't understand, I've practically kicked heroin but I still feel as crappy as ever." I saw Collins frown and place his dark hand over Rogers shaking ones.

"Are they helping you here?" The older man asked.

He shut his eyes tightly and pulled his hands away from Collins, covered his face with them and mumbled something to me that I couldn't understand. I stood up and walked around the table kneeling down next to him, I gently placed a hand on his back and rubbed it and I realized he was crying behind his hands.

"Shhh Roger, its okay… what did you want to say?" he moved his hand away from his mouth for a second.

"G-Get me out of here mark p-please take me back home." God how bad I wanted to.

"Is this place helping you?" I asked the same question Collins did moments ago in a soft tone keeping the motions of my hand on his back. He put his hands down flat on the table.

"N-No I want to go home!" I shut my eyes and looked at the floor. As I listened to my friends crying I realized that maybe this wasn't the right choice…

"Alright… Alright come on im taking to home." He looked at me his eyes filled with a new light."

"R-Really!" he asked excitedly, like a child who just learned he could get a piece of candy.

"Yes lets get you out of here." I nodded to Collins who stood up and went out the door to go find a doctor. "We are going to bring you back home, it'll just be the three of us, how does that sound?" Roger smiled the first smile I had seen in a long time.

"Nice…" he said hoarsely from crying.

"Im so proud of you Rog, thank you for being so strong." Collins then came in with a doctor.

"Mr. Cohen we do not believe Roger is stable enough to leave treatment just yet." One of them told me.

"Well I am the one who admitted him here, he is here under my custody and I can choose when he leaves." I argued, I was going to have none of it, I made up my mind, my best friend was coming back home today. The doctor seemed to understand my tone and decided not to fight with me.

"Very well." He handed me his clipboard. "Sign here and Roger will be released into your custody." I took the pen and signed. "Thank you Mr. Cohen." He took the pen and bored and walked out. I turned to see Roger clinging to Collins tightly, who was putting a protective arm around Rogers's body. I smiled to them.

"Let's go home."

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><p><strong>Yay I updated! Thank you for all your reviews to my last chapter telling me what you wanted, it helped me with ideas and I tried to accommodate as much as I could into the story by writing almost all the sides of Roger that we know and love! I thank you all for being so patient with me as I am dealing with a lot in my life at the moment, but i tried to make it up to you by writing a long chapter this time. Sadly this Fic will be coming to an end in 2 or so chapters :( But I was thinking about wring a sequel about Mimi's withdrawal, do you think should I do that once this fic is over? Hmmm I wonder. As always thank you for reading!<strong>

** PS: There is a fun little poll on my profile! Check it out!**


	14. Chapter 14

**Mark's POV**

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><p>A week later Roger was sitting on the windowsill with his bowl of Captain Crunch just looking intently out the window, I wasn't sure what he could possibly be looking at there was nothing interesting outside, only people rushing to work. I turned to Collins who was looking in the fridge for something.<p>

"Hey Col, can I talk to you?" I asked in a quiet voice, not wanting to disturb the peace of the loft.

"Sure man, you know you always can." He responded shutting the refrigerator and leaning against the counter.

"It's about…" I looked shifted my gaze to the blond across the room. The anarchist just nodded and made a motion with his hand to fallow him, I did and we went to my room.

"What's up?" he asked as I sat on my bed.

"Well he seems so much healthier now, even taking his AZT but why won't he talk?" he hasn't spoken since the day we took him home from rehab. Collins sat down next to me.

"Maybe he doesn't know what to say. His body may be feeling good but his mind-" he tapped my head "is really fucked up." I understood that much, but what was I going to do about it?

"Alright thanks Tom." I stood up and walked out of the room and sat down across from Roger on the windowsill. "What are you looking at?" I asked, trying to start up a conversation, but my best friend just shrugged. "Come on Rog talk to me, what have you got to louse." After waiting a minute for his response I gave up standing up. "I'm going out to film for a bit, want to come? Take a walk with me for a bit?" I offered, I trusted him out of the house now he only craved the drug sometimes, and when he was I always could tell. Roger just shifter his eyes to look up at me, his look told me one thing- leave me alone. I turned around and grabbed my camera off the table leaving the small loft.

As I walked the New York streets I noticed that it was getting colder, well it was now October. My mind then wandered to Roger and how I should by him a new blanket, I didn't want him getting sick, he was in fact HIV positive which meant his immune system wasn't as great as mine- maybe I should give him my blanket. I shrugged off the thought and turned on my camera focusing it on the three homeless people sitting outside an abounded office building each with there own personal bag of stuff the carried, I always wondered what was in them.

"Zoom in on the homeless of Alphabet city, being passed by thee piece suits not even getting a glance." I narrated then began walking again shooting the cars and the verity of people on the street, it was always obvious who was wealthy and how was not. I was coming up to a simple Italian restaurant and stopped short when I saw someone walking into it- Maureen? What would she be doing at a nice place like that? I slowly approached the window and saw her walk in and hug an African American girl and then…kiss her? What the hell is going on? They then sat down and held hands across the table. No, no, no I did NOT dump me for a GIRL. I leaned my head back and looked up at the sky and groaned rubbing my eyes behind my glasses. I then turned off my camera and walked back to the loft frowning.

When I opened the door Roger was still sitting on the windowsill and Collins was sitting on the couch dosing off. I slammed the loft door and angrily walked into my room slamming the door. I couldn't believe her! She didn't even tell me! She could have at least had the courtesy to tell me! I huffed and lay down on my bed with my hands behind my head. I heard a knock on the door and guessed it was Collins- I really didn't want to talk to anyone right now let alone him, but I muttered a "Come in." anyway. When I turned to the person at the doorway it was not Collins but Roger. I sat up and turned to him.

"Rog? What… What's up?" I asked not sure to say. He just stood there looking into my blue eyes. "Do you need anything?" I questioned not sure what was going on. He shook his head and walked into the room more and slammed the door just like I did moments ago. I understood- he wanted to know what was wrong. I sighed, "When I was out filming I saw Maureen go into a restaurant and meet a girl there." He looked at me confused, like so what if I saw Maureen. "They kissed." I saw the rockers mouth twitch into a little smile then actually start… Laughing? It was the first time I'd heard him laugh in forever! "How is that funny? She dumped me for a GIRL!" This only made him laugh harder as he leaned against a wall. "Okay I guess it's kind of funny…" I smirked looking down. Roger always had the ability to make a heavy situation light.

"I'm sorry Mark but that's just hilarious, a girl was better to Maureen then you!" He told me in between his laughs. I full-on smiled and nodded.

"You talked." My best friend then stopped smiling and opened his mouth to say something but then closed it again. I stood up and placed a hand on his shoulder. "I'm glad you did."

"So am I." he responded before walking out. I lay down on my bed and smiled to my self.

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><p><strong>Here is the part of the AN where I say sorry for not updating- Im so sorry for not updating, now this is the part I give an exause- I've been in a treatment center for depression so i dont have much time. now here is the part where i thank you- Thanks for reading and reviewing and waiting for me!<strong>

***Okay so here is an IMPORTANT QUESTION***

**This story will end next chaper or the one after that so here is my question to you!**

**Should i make a Sequil to this Doing Mimi's withdrawl? i promise it wont be the same. Thanks!**


	15. Chapter 15

**Mark's POV**

**October 23rd**

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><p>I took a sip of my morning coffee, it was nice having something warm to drink compared to the freezing chill of the loft. I was worrying Roger would catch a cold but I always stopped my self, whenever I told him to put on a jacket or say something a mother would, he would just wave me off. I listened to my roommate pluck away at the strings of his guitar and scribble down notes on the back of a flyer. I put my mug in the sink and checked my watch.<p>

"Take your AZT" I told him

"Alright." He put down his guitar and went to him room to get it. It was a frequently exchanged conversation between us and was so nonchalant like I was asking him to check the mail rather then to take the medication that was keeping him alive. As I washed the coffee cup I saw blonde hair out of the corner of my eye.

"So I'm going out to film for an hour or so, you going to be okay by yourself?" Collins was out at a job interview.

"No, I think I'll set the loft on fire just for funzies while your gone, yes Mark I'll be okay," I rolled my eyes at him and grabbed my camera and walked out the door, my coat and scarf where already on.

I wandered the streets a bit, not really in the mood to film, I was really out there just to get away from the loft for a bit. It seemed that every time I walked in there I got an uncomfortable feeling, undoubtedly because of Roger, I knew he wasn't doing it on purpose but I felt as thou I had to tiptoe around him because I never could tell what kind of mood he was in, and if it was a bad one well no one wanted to be around him. I was sure Collins felt the same way. He was so depressed over Aprils death and the fact that he was now HIV positive that he refused to leave the house, but I still saw small glimpses of my best friend, I knew he would come out of it soon he just needed the right motivation. The one good thing that had happened was that with Benny was now rich because of his wife and bought the building saying we where golden and didn't have to pay, it was a peace offering after everything that happened with Rogers withdrawal, We haven't seen much of him thou. Turns out the girl I saw with Maureen was a lawyer names Joanne, Maureen raved about her every time we got together for lunch or when she just popped by the loft.

I realized that I had been out for over two hours and started heading back to the loft finding no reason to stay out side in the cold (Not like the loft was much better.) I held onto my camera and made my way through the busy streets of alphabet city when I was met face to face was no one other then the man. I tired to make my way around him but he grabbed my arm and pulled me into an ally.

"Where do you get off taking away my customers?" he growled at me as his grip on my arm tightened

"Look I don't want any trouble just let me g-" He cut me off with a punch to the jaw I landed on the ground in front of him.

"You steal my clients and you die, you hear me!" He grabbed my shirt and pulled me up. "I have to make sure you wont take away any more of my customers away." I saw the shine of a knife in the hand that wasn't holding my shirt. I gulped and shut my eyes waiting for the pain when his hand let go of me and I heard a grunt. I opened my blue eyes to see Roger and The man wrestling on the ground, I looked to my side and saw that the man dropped his knife out of surprise.

"It was my choice to leave your little business and I'd do it again too!" My best friend yelled. Punches started to be thrown as the two men continued to wrestle; I knew roger would be okay, he knew how to fight. Within in a minute the man was out and Roger stood up and came over to me who was sitting on the ground like an idiot.

"Jesus Mark are you okay?" He asked, I saw blood coming from a cut on his lip and a bruise starting to form on his cheek.

"Y-yeah I'm fine." Then a thought hit me, "I thought you said you weren't going to leave the loft ever again." He had said that during a fight we had one night,

"Well sometimes you have to do things you don't want to do." We smiled at each other before standing up and heading back to our cozy little loft.

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><p><strong>Yes! This story is finally done! This is the first story ive completed and i thank you all for sticking with me! I knoe the ending was kind of cheesy but I felt like this story had to end semi-happy. Thankyou everyone who read this story and reviewed it. Im bringing a revised version of a story from my other account to this one and that should be up in a couple of days! So leave a review or shoot me a PM (im always up for the convo!) And i'll see you next time!<strong>


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